9 November 2010 0 Comments

Is That a Burr Under Your Saddle, or Are You Really Needing a Divorce (in 3 parts)

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Many divorce lawyers and mediators see their job as sorting through the wreckage of a marriage to help clients find a post-marriage equilibrium of safety, fairness, and a modicum of peace. Indications of the breakdown read like tea-leaves with clues everywhere, the patterns repeating themselves over and over again.

Part 1: The Beginning
Two people get together and fall in love. They are, in fact, “in love”, and they marry and may even have children. The children gradually occupy increasingly their attention. One of them, spends a large portion of his time and effort working to support the family and to provide a good and secure lifestyle. In days long past, the wife would not work outside the home, but pours herself into creating a home and raising the children.

One begins to feel that the other’s work is more important and they begin to spend less and less time alone together. They each feel abandoned by the other. Their relationship starts to suffer. They find themselves feeling alone, feeling badly used, and angry at the other partner.

Several months or years pass and they are almost not talking to each other. Their feelings of love have turned to feelings of hatred or contempt. Angry interchanges, some in front of the children, begin to occur on an increasingly regular basis.

Questions begin to percolate within them, and the slippery slope of divorce looked over. Each begins to ruminate about the possibility of divorce, often several times each day. Perhaps if one counted the times, it could exceed 100 each. These thoughts begin to evolve into an obsession, clouding their views of each other, constantly nagging at them, poking into their thoughts like a burr under a saddle.

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